Procrastinating

This is my first post. I'm not quite sure what in the world I am doing. I feel like there is so much that goes into writing a blog. Do I know what I'm doing? Have I thought this through? This is so unlike me to publish my innermost thoughts for the whole world to see. Well, here goes nothing. . .

It's Sunday night at 9:24. I am in complete procrastination mode. The babe, from here on out know as the I-man, is in bed. I have been trying to "sleep train" him. Or as other people call it, "organizing sleep". Whatever you want to call it, I am trying to get my child to fall asleep on his own. I don't want to do the "cry it out" method, but it's kind of hard not to. Argh! This is not easy. Anyway, he's finally sleeping and I am sitting in my half clean kitchen trying to motivate myself to write a report for an IEP meeting that I have tomorrow morning. I have been on winter break for a week and a half and I have no desire to go to work tomorrow. I never imagined that being a working mom would be so hard. I guess that I should explain that I have an 8 month old son and was home with him from the end of April to September, when school started. I am a fourth grade teacher in a public school in Boston. Before getting pregnant, I absolutely loved my job. I still do, sort of. I love what I do-- I just hate having to do it while my little guy is at daycare with someone else. I wish I could be a teacher AND take care of the I-man, but that is not possible. Choice number two would be to just stay home with the babe, but that is not an option either. I have to do choice three-- be a working mama.

My mother was a working mom. Most of my aunts worked and had children too. As an adult, most of my friends are working mothers. Nonetheless, this is hard. I mean, really hard. I pretty much hate having to work while being a mom. How did my mother do this? I wish that I could ask, but my mother passed away five years ago. That's another blog for another day.

So, I find myself needing an outlet for my thoughts and feelings about having to work both inside and outside of the home. I have plenty of friends and family to talk to, but I feel the need to express myself in a different way. So, here it is. I'm the working mama. You may find me annoying. You may be able to relate to me, or not. In any case, this is me. Here are my ramblings. Read me or don't read me. I'll be here. Now, do I have the guts to hit "Publish post"?